This year has been quite a journey. From having more than enough to trusting God that I won’t starve.
You see… At the beginning of this year I had money. I had been saving for a year or so and had more than I needed in my savings. Plus I had a full time job, lived with my parents, and didn’t have a car that I had to fill with gas. Whenever I wasn’t pleased with my wardrobe, I went to the mall and bought what I wanted. I had what I needed and more.
In August I packed up everything I had, bought a car and drove to California to pursue my dreams.
It wasn’t long before I spent all my money on gas and living expenses (Like food). I thought I hit rock bottom. I wasn’t even able to register for school until I paid for $1000 of my tuition in 3 days. God totally provided that weekend – I had several different donations from friends and family… The last donation came in 2 minutes before it was due by someone I had just met. I was able to start school just like planned and God taught be a big lesson that weekend: To wait before I freak out in my car slamming my head against the steering wheel (Dramatic, I know) and trust that if it is supposed to happen, he will make it happen.
There have been times I couldn’t find anything to wear and I wished I could just grab my debit card and tango on down to the mall, but then I realize I am hungry and have nothing in the fridge. So I have a choice to either Starve + look fabulous or Wear what God has already provided + Eat a yummy meal.
I am going to be very honest with you right now. I get a little carried away with all the glamor around me. Movies like the Great Gatsby make me wish I had priceless dresses and beautiful jewels. Having only what I need made me wish I had more than I needed.
I dreamed of wearing fabulous dresses all the time and hobnobbing with millionaires because I was bored… Bored of not having what I wanted when I wanted it.
I spent the last several years believing that I had to have everything that I wanted NOW or it wasn’t going to happen. I remember I would beg my mother to get me some acting classes NOW or I was never going to live my film making dreams.
I told myself I needed to find the “Love of my life” NOW or I was never going to get married. It wasn’t my parents fault I acted that way, it’s the culture we live in that we have to have what we want NOW. That’s probably why fast food restaurants were invented – because we are lazy and needy.
I am not just pointing the finger at our society because I am one of those people as well. I have a never ending wishlist that I still add to when I see something I want. I am that person that shops online and goes to Chickfila because it’s faster than cooking a meal myself (and let’s be honest, its REALLY yummy).
I AM THAT PERSON that dreamed of having IT ALL. Literally. I wished I could live in a mansion and have a closet the size of my house, because what I had just didn’t please me enough.
This week I got a “Revelation” per say.
I recalled this one time my mom read me an article (and I can’t remember the title) about how success is starting to become a big thing for the younger generation. People in their 20’s and early 30’s are reaching the peak of their success; starting businesses, making millions, and then what? They have reached the highest they can go at such a young age, and then what? Are they going to try and reach higher even though they are at the highest point in their success?
It made me think about the young stars that started acting when they were children, most seem to have fallen off the wagon. Most of them are on drugs. I realize now, for some of them, it may have been that they had such high success when they were young & it felt so good that they wanted to reach higher, they wanted more pleasure. Maybe they tried drugs and it made them feel really good for a little while until they wanted more. Maybe then drugs weren’t enough and so they tried desperately to reach higher.
I am not saying success when you are younger is bad. I think it is an incredible accomplishment when my generation does so well with their dreams. I just wish we knew how to feel content and still dream, not feel dissatisfied because your accomplishments aren’t as high as the other girl your age & try so hard to reach higher before it’s too late; because it’s not too late. Does that make sense?
What happens when you have it all? I pondered on that question this week when I thought about everything I wanted. I want to be successful and I want nice things, but what if I had it all right NOW like I thought I wanted so badly, then what? Then I have nothing more to work towards. I would have no reason to dream.
I saved for my dear little car for a few years and when I finally had enough I bought it and it felt great! It felt great to know that I worked hard for it. My parents didn’t slave away for me to have my car, I DID. I bought it myself. It was such a rewarding feeling.
It’s the same with my Hunter Rain boots – I saved for those for about a month. Every time I got my paycheck I put a little aside for the day I wanted to order them. I have kept such good care of them because I know all the work I put into saving for them. I probably wouldn’t treat them as good if I knew that someone would replace them for me with the snap of my fingers.
There is such a rewarding feeling for working and saving for what I want. I know God hears my desires and wants to give me what I want, but maybe it should be in HIS timing when he sees that I have been a good steward of what he has already given me. Who knows, maybe he has seen how good I have taken care of my yellow rain boots and will give me money for the black ones.
I sure hope this 2015 I learn to not get ‘bored’ of what I have so quickly; instead, to live in a way where I can always dream a little bigger everyday. I can’t do that if I already have it all.
Next time you get a little inpatient with the way things are happening and you think your dreams are coming to slow, just remember, you are a daughter/son to God and he wants to give you what you want without turning you into a snob.
It is okay to dream for nice things and wish for more; but not if you are never content with what you have. This year I challenge you to be content with what you are given and to never stop dreaming.
I have already decided this year I am going to…
“Live the dream while continuing to dream, because at one point this is what I dreamed of.” -Emily Funkhouser